


The Coming of ... The Squadrupeds Supreme!

by DaibhidC



Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Earth 8311, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 14:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6570112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the great tradition of fake comic book crossovers, the Scavengers face a team of opponents like no-one they've seen before ... and yet who seem strangely familiar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Coming of ... The Squadrupeds Supreme!

It was a quiet day at Scavengers Mansion. Quacksilver was playing air hockey against himself, Squawkeye was shooting suction-cup arrows at various random targets, and Iron Mouse had a solitaire game on his armour’s interior screens.

Suddenly an alarm went off. Iron Mouse quickly closed down his game as the report appeared on a pop-up, along with an advertisement for Fashions By Wasp-Bunny. He had _got_ to get round to updating the armour’s adblocker.

“Okay, gang,” he told the others, “Looks like there’s been a break-in at an Oxxen research building. Sounds like it involved several unidentified supercritters.”

Captain Americat looked at the other team members present. Iron Mouse, Thrr, Quacksilver, Scarlet Pooch, and Squawkeye. “Looks like it’s up to the six of us. Scavengers, scramble!”

“Do you need to say that every time?” Squawkeye asked.

\--

A short while later, the Scavengers Finjet arrived at the Oxxen facility, which had been evacuated and cordoned off by Maria Molehill and her Agents of S.H.E.E.P., and Iron Mouse used his scanners to locate the intruders. As they opened the door to the correct lab, they saw several figures crowded round a machine. A rodent in a red costume with a yellow cape and atom logo was working on the device, while a turtle in a yellow outfit with black Ws zigzagging across it paced impatiently. A sheep completely covered by a mulitcoloured bodystocking and a hare in purple armour and helmet hovered above them. A polar bear in a green swimsuit and fishnets seemed to round off the team, although a slight shift in the shadows suggested there might be another member. 

“Oh, great,” drawled the turtle, “I was hoping we’d skip the whole ‘misunderstanding with the locals’ bit.” With a shrug, he ran towards the Scavengers, his speed increasing as he did so. Quacksilver immediately ran to intercept him.

“So you’re the team speedster,” the turtle smiled, “But are you faster than Whizzshell?”

“I don’t get outrun by anyone,” replied Quacksilver, “Certainly not a turtle!”

Privately, Pietro Quaximoff was forced to acknowledge this might not be the case. While he was already reaching his top speed of Mach 5, Whizzshell was literally running rings around him.

“Apparently we’ve engaged,” said the red-suited rodent, glaring at the speedster fight, “Arcticanna, take down the magic user.”

The polar bear flew up to Scarlet Pooch. “So is this is the Designated Girl Fight or the Designated Wizard Duel?” she quipped.

“I don’t know how much magical training you have,” Wanda Maximutt replied, “But I am the Scarlet Pooch, both a mistress of chaos magic _and_ a mutant controller of probability!” And with that she let fly with a hex-bolt that, judging from Arcticanna’s expression, had shaken her shields much more than expected.

“I have some tricks of my own!” Arcticanna intoned some magic words, and her opponent was immediately muzzled and tied to a fence-post that appeared out of thin air. 

“Wanda!” shouted Quacksilver, “What have you done to my sister?”

Whizzshell doubletaked. “Sister? How does _that_ work?”

“I don’t need to explain my family situation to you, just take advantage of the fact you slowed down to…” and the duck deftly tripped up the turtle, who instinctively retreated into his shell and skidded down the corridor.

Meanwhile, Thrr moved to help the Scarlet Pooch, but the red-suited figure flew up to intercept him. “Who dares defy the Dog of Thunder?” Thrr demanded.

“My name is Hyraxion,” his opponent replied, “The Last of the Eternimals, if we’re swapping epithets.”

While this was going on, the Scarlet Pooch gestured and the muzzle and fencepost disappeared. _Nice try,_ she thought, _This Arcticanna must need to speak to cast spells and assumed I did too._ She prepped another hex-bolt, although she knew this time her opponent would be ready.

“Tony,” Captain Americat instructed, “Give Thrr some assistance.”

“Sure thing, Cap,” Iron Mouse replied, and activated his boot jets. However he was only halfway there when the flying sheep raised a hoof and trapped him in a sphere of prismatic force.

“Nice work, Dr Spectram,” said the other flying figure approvingly, “Now Powhare Princess will deal with whomever’s left.”

“Uh, Cap?” said Squawkeye, “One of us is partnered with the flying bunny, and she looks a little out of my weight class…”

“Sorry, Clint, but I’m looking for…”

“The guy in the shadows? No problem,” Squawkeye quickly cocked a gas-arrow and aimed it at a patch of darkness near the ceiling. A moment later, a mouse in a bird costume fell from the area, unconscious. “Nightsqueak!” Hyraxion shouted in horror.

“You might hide from most people, but my vision is why they call me Squawkeye.” Clint Barnton gloated.

Steve Mouser surveyed the battle. Everyone else was engaged with someone. Whizzshell had ricocheted back into the room and knocked Quacksilver off his feet. Thrr and Hyraxion were still wrestling in the air, Thrr being reluctant to call down lightning around all the unknown machinery. Scarlet Pooch and Arcticanna were throwing bolts of mystic force at each other. Iron Mouse was firing his repulsors at the prismatic sphere, which Dr Spectram was focusing on maintaining. And Squawkeye had his bow trained on Nightsqueak, who was slowly regaining consciousness. That left him and Powhare Princess.

He raised his felinium shield. “Despite what Squawkeye said, I might be outclassed here. But I don’t go down without a fight.”

Powhare Princess raised her paws. “On Ewetopia Isle we’re taught that you give no quarter in battle, but it’s never the first option. Could we still resolve this through talk?”

Cap didn’t lower the shield, but he nodded. “Before this all kicked off, your turtle friend said it was a misunderstanding. I learnt in Weird War II that war is sometimes necessary, but should never be entered lightly. If this is a misunderstanding, I’d love to clear it up.”

The hare nodded and flew down to talk to Steve face to face. “We’re from another world,” she told him, “We’re superheroes there, the Squadrupeds Supreme. We were sent here by one of our villains, a mad scientist named Emil Bushbaby. The only reason we broke in here was that Nightsqueak thought this facility might have the technology needed to create a path back home.”

Around them, the fighting had slowed as the others realised this was over. 

“So was he right?” asked Cap.

“I’m afraid not,” replied Hyraxion, “I was hoping my knowledge of Eternimal science could help, but it doesn’t seem to be compatible with these machines.”

“That might just be because you aren’t that familiar with Earthly tech,” said Iron Mouse, “If you tell me what you need to do, I’ll figure out how to do it. If the equipment isn’t here, I probably have it back at Squeak Industries.”

“Thank you,” said Hyraxion, “That’s very generous.”

“It’s almost like the whole thing could have been sorted out without any fighting at all,” muttered Nightsqueak.

\--

By the time the portal was ready, the two teams had formed a friendship. 

“You might not be as fast as I am,” Whizzshell told Quacksilver, “But for someone without a hypermetabolism, you’re pretty fast.”

“Thank you, that didn’t sound patronising at all,” Pietro snarked back, but with a slight smile on his beak.

“Just admit it, I had you,” Squawkeye insisted to Nightsqueak, “There was no way you were getting out of that.”

“There are seventeen ways of escaping from lying prone with an arrow trained at you. I practice them all against the Goldfinch Archer at least once a month. You didn’t have me.”

“Whatever."

Iron Mouse was running various scanners over Dr Spectram’s Power Prism. “You can take all the readings you like,” the sheep told him, “but I can’t promise they’ll mean anything. They don’t to anyone in my universe.”

“Yeah, well, none of them are me, are they?”

“By the halls of Arfgard,” bellowed Thrr, “I thinkest thou may have more strength than the Hulk-Bunny!”

“I don’t know who that is,” Hyraxion chuckled, “But you could probably give the Pangolin Skymaster a run for his money!”

Powhare Princess, who had been waiting by the big machine with what looked like a mousehole in the middle, coughed to get everyone’s attention, “I think the portal has finished warming up, so this is our farewell. I would thank you for all your help, and apologise for the misunderstanding.”

“That’s okay,” replied Iron Mouse, “I’m just glad it was all sorted out. We’ll leave the portal running for a while, so that you can get back if I’ve unthinkably made an error in my calculations and sent you to the Realm of Breaded Boremamuu or something.”

“Well, let’s hope you haven’t,” said Hyraxion, “Up, and away!” and he led his team through the mousehole. The last thing the Scavengers heard was Dr Spectram snarking “So ends another adventure for Hyraxion and the other guys he hangs out with…”

\--

Later that night, when the lab was empty, the portal burst open again. Instead of the Squadrupeds, however, out came six animals in matching black bodysuits with florescent highlights. Two rabbits, a wolf, a ground cuckoo, a quoll, and a duck.

One of the rabbits, who was also the lone female in the group, sighed, “Well, Mech, where are we now?”

“Hard to say, Luci,” replied Mech N. Wolf, consulting a gadget on his wrist. “But I don’t think it’s our home universe. Ultimaton really did a number on my equipment when he threw us through time.”

“Well, if we’re not home, are we at least somewhere close?” asked the duck, his annoyance failing to disguise the panic in his voice, “I’ve got an adoring public to be adored by!” 

“Settle down, Haz,” the team leader, Champ Rabbit, told Hazard Mallard. “They had the technology to draw us here, therefore they must have the technology to send us home. Or they’ll face the wrath of the Unstoppable Lunitoons!

And iris out. (That’s all, folks!)


End file.
